


Drop Dead

by EvilLittleImp



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:15:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25947931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvilLittleImp/pseuds/EvilLittleImp
Summary: Rumplestiltskin is bored and ends up getting more entertainment than he expected.
Kudos: 4





	Drop Dead

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what this is, but I wanted to write it down. So. . .

Rumplestiltskin wasn't sure what the day held for him, but he was sure it would be just the same as every other day. So, he got up tiredly and decided to go to Granny's Diner. It wasn't better than the tea he could make, but it would do. He was too tired to do anything but drag himself through the day. There really wasn't a point to changing his schedule. No matter what, when the next disaster hit Storybrooke, the heroes would inevitably come running to him. He walked to the diner, expecting to get his tea and leave. What he did not expect was a woman who was going to the diner for the first time. When he walked in, there was a brunette woman of about twenty-three with sharp features and a pointy nose standing in the middle of the diner. Normally, he would walk right past and not give her a second glance, but she was staring right at him.  
"Rumplestiltskin!" she screeched, saying his name like a disease.  
"Present, dearie," Rumplestiltskin quirked an eyebrow at her.  
"But- but, all the stories!" the woman said, looking around at everyone who was looking back calmly, "You eat children!"  
If the rest of the day was going to be boring, he would have some fun while he could.  
"Yes. I chop them up and put them in my stew. When it tastes too drab, I put some eyeballs on the side," he said with fake malice.  
"B-b-but," the woman stuttered.  
"And when THAT isn't enough, I eat the hearts I've ripped out of people," Rumplestiltskin said, being sarcastic but she didn't seem to notice.  
The lady just stood there trembling, looking at him like he would steal her first-born.  
"They're nice and juicy. They squish in my mouth and it tastes so good. I just can't get enough of the flavor," he smirked at her.  
Then, to his immense surprise, the woman collapsed, right in the middle of the diner. She just went limp as her eyes rolled back in her head, her face pale and clammy.  
"Oh, poor girl. You scared her half to death, you scoundrel!" Granny chided.  
"Rumple!" Red came over and gave him an angry look.  
"What? Did you see her face?" Rumplestiltskin laughed.  
"You little imp!" the wolf said playfully.  
"It was hilarious," he snorted.  
Red slapped him in the shoulder several times. He rubbed his arm and looked at her questioningly. She glared at him, then she slapped him again.  
"Feisty beast," Rumplestiltskin muttered.  
"I heard that!" Red yelled back at him.  
"Pfft. Women are sticks in the mud," he mumbled ever quieter.  
"Say one more thing and I swear I'll eat you!" the wolf snarled at him.  
"Yes, dear," Rumplestiltskin smirked.  
When Red came at him with a broom, he ran as fast as he could go.

-S Hanson


End file.
